Take your genetic predisposition a and SHOVE IT.

I've been working out seriously for close to a decade now. And only in the past few weeks have I been able to admit to myself, I don't need to be skinny. Not like that. 

 

Former fat kid in body. Still a fat kid in mentality. And it has taken right years of being a gym rat and two years of NLXF for me to get my head out my ass. It's been 8 or 9 sessions of me barely missing a day, in the beginning going twice a day just to get the results I wanted. Hitting cardio both before and after class. And eating what I felt was like a rabbit at times. I refused to be the fat kid again. And I was determined to torture my body to do it. 

And I hit a stop point. No results. No weight down. No muscle growth. No progress. Push up pyramids still get me crying near every time because in theory I SHOULD be able to do it. And I'm nowhere close. 

Last session is the end of all that crap. I don't need to be skinny like that. I never will be. But I can get jacked if I want. I can have that muscle and look just as good. As healthy. 

I was set that it was my body's fault. That it was messed up somehow. I are right. I worked out obsessively. Doctor after doctor found nothing wrong with me. Telling me to workout more, workout less, eat more carbs, flat out not believing me. And the one that had the audacity to tell me I was genetically predisposition to be obese. 

And I'm not convinced that I don't have some imbalances hindering me, but by godsend I feel like I've found my miracle. The trainer watching me struggle for the past two years finally had enough and has put an end to this misery.

 I've more than doubled my protein intake already (I don't like meat. It's hard for me) and started heavier lifting after class every day. Hours on the cardio machines cut done to under an hour a day. 

It's been mere weeks and the progress is there. I can see it. I can feel it. I am determined. I will do this. I will get there and stay. 

That's my long boring spiel. Welcome to my life. Have a seat and stay awhile. Things are going up from here. Even if it's the scale. All muscle baby. 

Day 12: 400hr Yoga Teacher Training

Morning group class started on the wall. Nice easy deep stretching of awesome. Some kriyas following. Clearly a pity warm up.

James has OCD note taking skills. And it sounds exactly like what I do.

---insert premature day twelve rant here-----

It was odd during GSP, I got my head into quicker than expected. I think my body was craving the movement to process my brain. At one point James pulled me out of a transition, "Let me hear one full breath" which felt really weird, but I moved on.

My handstands have been lower than mediocre all week. Both the few attempts in GSP and practicing with Nate. But my first opportunity in the sequence, James was there for an attempt, and I expected BAD.

But it wasn't, I got my legs all the way up for the first time in close to a week, and that set my determination even stronger. I got two more attempts later, one super close, and one really productive tuck. My splits were able to go without blocks, but not the full five (totally acceptable to me) and I got one side of shoulder roll full form without assistance. I was pleased.

But then I got a weird vibe after class when James asked, "Who's blocks are those?" Not with a smile or joking. Made me feel like I was being accused of something I didn't do....

Evening session. Dinner with Sheree. Raw vegan. This was my third dinner with her. Her personality and mine just don't match. Dinner was raw corn on the cob, raw jicama "potato" salad, and raw nut burger with ""BBQ" sauce. At least I liked the coconut cocoa ball for dessert?

It was just a long day and I was ready for it to be over, but LD brought wine for dinner and his hilarity definitely cheered me up. Like trying to hook Sheree and Nate up.

A Premature Day 12

I know I am a full week behind blogging, but then yesterday happened. I'll continue on to day six soon, but for now, I'd rather just get the emotions of day twelve out there, and move them away......

"All sessions today are business brainstorming. Going around the room having 15 minute hot seats with everyone. Of course Nate went right before lunch and I had to wait until after.

Linda calling Nate a sexbomb was frighteningly hilarious.

My turn came, and I was beyond nervous, supposed to be about our near future in what we want to with yoga whether its working in the industry or not. We had five minutes to explain, five minutes for James to give his personal opinion and five minutes for the class's opinion. I started by pretty much saying I had no clue what was going on with all the new studios up and coming in the area, what and where I should be going, that I have no niche and I just have  no direction. 

And then it got far worse than I expected. I held it together for awhile, hitting that point where i couldn't talk without that awkward crack that everyone sees as "about to break" and yet he just kept pushing the buttons harder. Finally making me cry in front of everyone, until I asked to return to my seat, where the "hot seat" just continued.

I won't go into all the self pitying details, I do have notes on it, but basically he told me I'm not meant to be a yoga teacher, but not so blatantly. 

This is finishing my fourth week long intensive with him in the past 12 months. Not including the immersion or other interactions and Nates relationship with him. I feel like he has formed himself a very strong teacher and mentor in my head. And a very strong force in my yoga path. He has done the near impossible in taking me from being a COMPLETE skeptic and naysayer in Adamantine into a "how often can I take a weekday to drive to DM so I can take a 45 minute GSP so I can grow in the amazing practice" and in about a ten day span. That's beyond impressive. I am as hard headed and stubborn as they come. When I'm right, I'm right, turning me that fast almost takes brain washing skills. 

I digress, every session we have is very against cross training. Yoga is all we need. And he actively pulls people away from weights and cardio and promotes how bad for you those things are. All the negative affects those things have on your body and why they hurt your yoga practice. He was a Marine, he was a personal trainer, he isn't just speaking from a lack of ability to do those things. 

So we talked a little about my future, including renting space from dad for a "you-dio" to do private sessions with people, where I took a realistic approach in order to make it actually a possibility, to use the brainstorming team to help with the potential problems that I already foresee in the process. Having already flat out refused starting up my own workout program (he had previously basically told me to start my own NLXF and I think my utter refusal to do so really annoyed him). But the talk turned into that I'm limiting myself by giving reasons I can't do thing instead reasons I can. That I will never succeed if I stay that way.  That I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can accomplish anything. That I shouldn't be using such extreme words like love and hate. 

Then came the biggest insult I feel like I have ever experienced. After the constant ripping on anything outside yoga, he straight up tells me "You're a personal trainer, that's just what you are" and further went into that I have a foot in both the fitness and yoga world, but I'm barely a toe into yoga and fully exposed in fitness. 

Everyone else got encouragement deeper into yoga teaching, even mostly in Adamantine and GSP. Even those that only practice for personal reasons and have no desire to make it a job. They got ideas in how to go further and gain better and deeper careers. Even Nate was given the advice for a potential live/work GSP and private session studio loft in the future. And I got, go be a personal trainer. It was like being slapped across the face and being kicked out of the club.

I know the emotions surprised him, I could tell, but that doesn't make it any easier or better. Those came from my personal struggles, especially lately. I work harder than most I know. And have for a long time, and I don't have the body to represent that at all. I have the body of someone who does New Years Resolutions to work out and eat right, but gives up long before Valentines Day. I've seen doctors and other health professionals, I've had personal trainers, and I personally destroy my body to see results that I never actually achieve. I need to come to grips with this. One of the first endocrinologists I saw told me I was genetically predetermined to be obese. I lost it when I was told that. Determined more than anything to prove him wrong. It's now over three years later. I'm up 25 pounds and work just as hard as I have been. I wouldn't hire me as a trainer, looking like I do.

And it's not just looks either. I have no idea what I'm doing. I workout in excess. I kill myself and drown in sweat every day. I would have no idea where to start a client or how far to realistically push them. Yes, I've thought about a personal training certificate, but as a supplement to yoga. To have credibility with the gym crowd to have as clients, and have slight better knowledge. Not to go so far into it to be an actual in the gym trainer. There's such a huge disparity between the two.

I can't start over. Not just for my own self, I know I have the time. But I never finish anything. My parents spent an insane amount on film school before I realized I wasn't cut out for it, it wasn't the industry I would even remotely enjoy being in. Well over 100grand there. Wasted. Don't think the guilt over that still isn't a near constant thing. It's what keeps me working UNI Athletics, that being my only tie to education (even though not really) so maybe I don't look as much of a failure and waste of finances. No matter how miserable or unhappy it makes me as a person for eight months of the year. It changes my personality, making me negative and pessimistic and just a bitch in my relationships, but I have no choice. 

And I thought yoga was going to be it. Especially getting my 500 now. It's been a consistency in my life for 7 years now. My practice had ebb and flow, but I've never given it up. I love teaching, I love the feeling I have, I love the practice. I love the identity. And I thought the education and level certification was worth it. 10grand, all but two of it sponsored graciously. Even after my first epic failure. It's one of very few stabilities in life, I thought I was safe in continuing on.

And now this. I can't start over. I can't fail again. But I was just told I have anyway. Being told I am not meant to do the only thing I've ever felt successful doing is heart wrenching and yeah, I'll go as far as traumatizing. 

I know I can ignore him, I know that's what most would tell me to do. Ignore it, what does he know, keep going. But this is his life. He makes an insane living being the best in business at this. He knows what he's talking about. His advice to everyone else was spot on. He's more than earned the respect and listening.

The class was kind about it, but completely in agreement and supportive of the personal trainer idea. Telling me they would feel "safe" in having me as a trainer. That people would feel comfortable with me. That this is the time in my life to go do "my thing". 

It makes me feel like a liar in yoga, but I'd feel like a liar more in fitness. I got the "You aren't one of us" message. But I could never live in the world of trainers, I would be obliterated. 

The rest of the presentations were a blur. We got to GSP and I expected the worst. Unrolling my mat before we began, James came to me and said, "Thanks for letting me put you outside your comfort zone....it's my job" It was the job part that threw me. I appreciated the first half, the acknowledgement. But it's no one job to make a girl cry in front if the class, and then continue to try to make her talk."

I'll post more on the day when I catch up with blogging but I just needed the catharsis of this today.

Halfway Point. 300 turns to 400.

I know I have a lot of days to catch up on blogging my 300. But I wrote an email this morning now that I have officially begun the 400 hour this weekend and I realized that its s thought train that I might want to look back on in the future. And I don't keep any other form of journal, and I don't think anyone else really reads this anymore, so I'm putting it out there so I don't lose it and can't go back and see what my crazy brain was thinking...

I'm beginning to wonder if I should start preparing headspace for myself to become a teacher at that many locations, teaching every day and numerous times a day.

But that being said, this week will be a mental tsunami on my future in this, and how and what I want to do. But this is the perfect time to really implement what I want to do with it.  And at the moment I really want to push into private sessions. The word is 70/30 split is what's common for the teacher/studio split. And after this week, he really has me into the, you need to present yourself as worth it, because you are and they need to know that through prices. Especially with the split, my TIME is money. So I think going for $60 (42/18 split) for 45 minutes is how I'm going to go through. That could change by the end of the week though. Thursday there is a hot seat where you sit in the middle and basically hash through every plan of action and idea you have going for, and set actual goals to be conquered (not just to throw away). So we'll see.

The crux is that, had we not just moved. I'm kind of thinking I might be in the beginning contemplations of moving down here.... Which is scary that moving could have been a huge mistake, but also that I actually have a desire to be here? But this mornings group class was glaring, that group class is irradically becoming not my thing. I want the private sessions. I'm really falling for the GSP concept. It's amazing. Both teaching and practicing. The personal progress I've made in a week is more than I've made in over a year there. Which is terrifying. And seeing that just makes me want to provide that for others and get to continue myself. I know I'm far from my own (if ever possible) but without a GSP to attend myself, I'm screwed. Driving to DM on a weekday every few weeks is just so unrealistic, especially if I start teaching that much more. But also when it comes to having to teach a lot and carving out the time I can force myself to practice like that myself without the guidance, is just going to be so hard to fight against my personality traits. 

I'm so long winded today. 

Starbucks is down the block...

4 new, 18 total this morning. And they were REALLY chatty before class, took awhile to settle down.

But then AFTER class, during savasana, mere seconds after leaving the room, I turned back to go in again because I forgot the juice, and it was just as loud as before class, and I'm NOT ok with that, there are people trying to relax and hang out for a few minutes in total relaxation. And I had even asked to respect other peoples quiet time.

So as I walked through to get the juice, I called out to respect others in silence as they try to relax in a slightly more serious tone. Didn't lower the noise in the slightest. Two were hardcore talkers, but I think those let others get away with smaller chatter, but at full volume.

A regular came out and talked about how annoying it was, and she was really surprised at my coming BACK in to call them out, but was clearly grateful. Although she did say that the first thing they started talking about was how awesome it was….so how mad can I really stay?

Yoga Teacher Confessions.

I found this awesome blog post today, and I felt like I should share. I am guilty of many on her list, (ESPECIALLY putting people in childs so I can think what to do next). But here's a few more I've come up with;

• Sometimes I wonder if a student is hunching their shoulders up to their ears in any pose (but ESPECIALLY cobra) just to piss me off because I have given 9,000 cues about relaxing the shoulders down.

• Sometimes I want to tell a student the class is full even if its not because they have shown up as I am literally locking the door to start class and now i have to spend five minutes signing them in and waiting while everyone else waits. 

• Sometimes when I am laying the cool towels on their foreheads, I drip my own sweat on their mats, and I feel zero remorse because they get savasana and I still have to work. 

 Any one out there care to share their own?

Yoga thoughts

Girl comes in Sol yesterday, my brain says she looks familiar, but I've got nothing.

She chats quite a bit about living in NY and how much she misses hot yoga so she's pumped about Sol now, wants to buy a package. Tells me her lady name for the computer, I immediately know it.

But there's two in the computer, I don't want to assume its her, I ask her first name. She tells me. I blurt "I totally rode the bus with you in elementary school, I'm Clare Nordyke" and she bursts "I KNEW I knew you!" She asks about teaching and says she's thinking about getting certified.

I was amused.

It's really amazing the amount of people I know I should know that come in, but with all I've been involved with since birth, I have no clue who they are. Sometimes they know me and acknowledge me, and then I feel bad.

And now there's people that act like they KNOW me when really I just teach them. That's a weird one. We have that at NLXF, but that's more a silent club. You know you see eachother dying and miserable at 6am in their weakest and most ugly moments, but you don't say anything to them. It's a silent bond that run shockingly deep. But at the studio, when students know you change your hair or start liking things on Facebook even when you aren't FB friends. It's a weird feeling.

Not that I mind, at least I know they don't hate me :-)

Refrigerator (Reference)

I feel like the outside of a person's refrigerator can say a lot about them as a person. What's yours say about you?

Graduation Day!!!!

Day Fifteen: James Freestyle Level up Practice, Yoga Business, Personal Story/Goals, Personal Notes, Group Picture, Graduation Ceremony and Cake!

• Wendy was super cute this morning and passed out mini flashlights so that we would all remember to let our lights shine. 
• James introduced the concept of warming up on our own, going through sun salutations or anything we needed so we wouldn't have to waste class time doing them.
• Because we warmed up ahead of time, we were able to go super freestyle and James put forward quite a few challenging, deep and fun poses. 
• Poses like Spider, Turtle and half Crane! aka, poses that make you yelp, oh! my hamstrings and inner thighs!
• But yet, getting into transverse lunge, I went  as deep as I could go, and looked around, thinking, going this deep looks like Im in a whole new position versus what it normally looks like!
• Yoga studios are failing because their business models don't work. Very few and far between studio owners are actually making money right now. 
• Sharing our thoughts on our own personal futures, its nice to hear Ann not just say that I am a good yoga teacher, but demand that I ask for a full time job, not just sign up for the sub list as a beginning.
• The more famous you become in yoga, the more you think you're a rockstar, and quite a few yogis seem to think that way. Including S. Nardini apparently. And parties like one.
• I love the idea of writing your name on a piece of paper, then passing it around the room so people can write you a little note on it. A perfect way to end 2 SOLID weeks together. Then the person right before you folds it into "origami" before giving it to you. Some creative ideas…thats for sure ;-)
• It doesn't matter how organized or adult you are about it, taking a group picture and getting everyone in place is near impossible. 
• Nothing reflected the experience more than sitting outside, and walking in the ceremony, across three yoga mats in any way we wanted (lots of bowing and curtsies) to get our certificates. 
• James had three options. Handshake, high five, or hug. No fist bumping, chest bumping, or picking up. So cute.

• I reached my time to get my diploma, "You better teach." Im telling you, these people know how to create confidence. 
• There was even graduation cake for us! Sweet treats for sweet people.

• Waiting to take pictures and say goodbye to James and Ann was like waiting in line for santa. And John was a great elf ;-)
• Leaving that room was strange, knowing I wouldn't be back. So much time spent there. 

Muppets Make My Day Better.

Day Fourteen: Student Led Practice, Feedback, Adamantine Talk,Wellness Coach Sequencing, Intake, and Practice, Wellness Coach Demo

• I had a Whole Foods bag behind me in class. So every downward dog...guess what I was thinking about. And there are a lot of downward dogs!
• Someone decided to alter mat series today, adding in a rolling bow (twice), regular bow (twice), and knee pile. Not my favorite sequence. Ouch. 
• Eyes kept closing, head kept nodding, I could NOT stay awake. Cranked the AC, no problems from there out!
• Are there people that are born without nipples?
• Yoga Wellness Coaches start their price range in comparison to an hour of personal massage. And then grow from there. I could handle that.
• I need to research the Warrior Diet some more.
• The Yoga Wellness Coaching really has led me to believe that this might be a path I want to take a closer look at. The real question is, do I have enough credibility, and would that be boosted if I got my personal training certificate?

Double Whammy! Days 12 &13.

Day Twelve: Student Led Practice, Feedback, Posture Analysis, Coaching Skills, Cross Training w/ TRX, Kettlebell

• Its a good feeling when this many people are asking me if I've finally decided that I am officially going to teach, and then pushing me as hard as possible towards it. 
• I think every person today has commented on my leg warmers at least once.
• James likes to refer to Lordosis as Baby Got Back Syndrome.
• As well as hearing, "It's show off your scoliosis day!"
• It is 100% confirmed. The only thing holding me back from drop back backbends now, is fear. Its Buck it Up time!
• When it's time for the dinner break, and someone makes us sit there listening to her debate on why its not ok for her to ask about her client's bowel movements, it makes me very very grouchy.
• My head is still spinning with the notion of personal training certificates. Spinning in a good way. I hope. Scary.
• A master yogi expecting more cardio and strength training other than their yoga practice makes me happy.
• James sees everything, he noticed that I wore a HRM and called me out on it (positively). 
• "Ever seen a ripped whale?" -James Miller
• When you have done them for workouts more than just a few times, listening to presentations on the TRX and Kettlebells is more than boring. Especially at 8pm, hour 12 of the education day.
• Still spinning with thoughts, and ideas, and reservations, and hesitation. 

Day Thirteen: Student Led Practice, Feedback, Health Concerns, Pre Natal Yoga, Nutrition

• Today was my last day of group teaching practice. I did the finishing sequence which involved the Tingsha. I like to think I nailed it. Maybe I was supposed to be a performing monkey…
• I am used to learning about the fun and interesting diseases. Learning about the normal ones is just downright boring and tedious.
• Keeping my mouth shut during a conversation about how specialized medicine hurts us because doctors won't see outside of their box and therefore it is super common to have a misdiagnosis, took EVERY OUNCE of strength I had. But I refuse to be that person.
• Today's random completely inappropriate topic right before the meal break….how she's bipolar and suicide attempts.
• Over lunch, I laid my seat back in my car. I had 8 minutes to rest my eyes before going back to class. Next thing I know, its 20 minutes later. RUNNING into the hotel at break neck speed. 
• It's amazing how much attention I have depends completely upon the topic being discussed. I can drink in one thing for three hours, and then be clawing at my eyes by hour one for others. Namely, prenatal yoga. Ugh.
• Yoga training can be guaranteed one thing. At least one massage therapist. Aka. Table massages today! 
• And that was a neck massage sent from the heavens and unicorn village.
• A hyperactive super nazi nutritionist that tells you not to eat breakfast, not to use vitamins, and is a raw vegan, talking for 2.5 hours. Not a great night session.
• Although I did learn that microwaves are illegal in Russia.
• I am on a mission to find out my blood type. In the East, they hire people specifically for their blood type. Like, only A blood types can apply for this job….crazy isn't it? 
• Also, that people's diets can be designated for their blood type. O blood types should NOT be vegetarians. 

RYT Day Eleven. Final Countdown.

Day Eleven: Student Led Practice, Feedback, Yoga Wellness Coaching, Mobility Testing & Choreography

• "Silence is a gift"
• James gave me Voice of the Day for my Mat Series. Both in front of the class and in private. Yay! :-)
• Wendy and I figured out the perfect way to remember the Foundation series sequence. Just tattoo the whole sequence down your forearm….in stick men form.
• It's hard to demonstrate your yogic strengths when you can't really do most of the original party tricks. 
• Speaking of strength, I have a decent amount of upper body strength. From kickboxing and lifting and general movement, I am perfectly capable of doing pushups. But I can't. My arms just lock stuck at a certain point going down, and I can't get past a certain level before it crashes. This has annoyed me to no end watching other people succeed far more than I when they started in a worst place. It took until this course to understand. James is a huge advocate for opening up the shoulders. We do shoulder rolls 4 times in the sequence. Now multiply that by however many times we do it a day in practice and workshops and such. We are basically blowing open our shoulders into mobility. And its fantastic. At the gym the other day, I figured I should keep up the attempt like normal, and I lowered down to pushup position. And popped through a good 15 pushups from my toes, no problem. Lightbulb on! My shoulders are so tight and locked in that my chest physically couldn't open enough to get to the full expression of a pushup. Needless to say, the revelation is potentially life changing. At least at NLXF ;-)
• I love surprising people with things, such as my hidden core strength. I do abs people. Lots and lots of them. You may not see them, but trust me, they're there.
• But also with freakish things. James had me playing with my pigeon toed ness in front of the class, I didn't realize how much I could do with my feet that others couldn't.
• Workshopping someone who is feigning to have polio with a bad short leg just seems like pure karma for all my DisneyWorld claims….

RYT Day Ten. Sunday is not meant for resting.

Day Ten: Freestyle Hatha Practice, Chakra Theory, Changing Sequence / Ethics

• Today's practice was James'  freestyle, and it was absolutely amazing. 
• Hot, sticky, and sweaty, but there was gong. And gong fixes everything.
• It never dawned on me that moving your calf muscle out of the way would make Hero pose a TON easier and safer on the knee….revelation, five years too late. 
• Benji calling reverse shoulder roll the "peak position of tears" was absolutely hilarious. Its not even that bad!!
• I've decided that I really really like when its a Freestyle Hatha practice, but interjected with a Kundalini power boost here and there. It just takes it to that edge that makes the end point that much more perfect.
• "Let the mmm sound hang out and buzz in your face" - James Miller
• I might have mentally checked out on accident and ended up participating in nap chakra.
• Wild Thing just adds a certain flare to practicing freestyle sequencing.
• After ten full days, people start to wear on you when they won't shut up. Meaning that getting out early, and skipping dinner to get out even earlier, doesn't happen because you keep talking about pointless things when we just want to leave and have relaxation and you like to hear yourself talk.
• But 7pm is much much better than 9pm.

RYT Day Nine. Starting in the Sun!

Day Nine: Yoga in park / experiences / theory / anatomy / passive yoga (Thai yoga)

• Yoga in the Park was an eye opener to how much we have been ruined by educating ourselves. But by ruined, I mean making ourselves so much better that we see all the things we know we will never want to do wrong.
• Such as, giving someone breathing cues, everyone has different breath! Lateral Flextion, shudder. Creating a practice that has zero balance within the body. Calling out someone "special" in the crowd and catering to something they desire. 
• I will never say things like loosey goosey oozy gooey spine, create an ice cream scoop with your butt, a piece of sky fell into my lentil soup…?!?!?
• Theory and Anatomy were a bit rough, my eyes were just refusing to cooperate, no matter how much I was interested. 
• The Psoas is your fear muscle. 
• The Psoas supposedly also creates that falling sensation when you fall asleep sometimes. It occurs when the muscle fully relaxes.
• During passive yoga (Thai), I felt a crazy pressure on my 5th chakra (throat) and heat on my 7th (third eye). I have no idea what this means, if anything, but it was a highly weird sensation. 
• I felt like I woke from a coma after passive yoga was done. Talk about restful.
• I never thought I would be one to even think about this, but i really contemplate moving on to the 500RYT. Not soon per say, but sometime. I really dig this. Plus James has the best setup for the remaining 300 hours, and the guy is a walking encyclopedia of yoga/wellness/thebody. Its insane. I could drink it up.

Just some amusing images I saw during the day. A lovely combination of strip mall stores. And the Clive Festival set up a water slide using the fire truck...PERFECT day for it.

RYT. Day Eight. Keep the poses straight!

Day Eight: 90 min yoga flow, Practice Mat & Finishing series, Group teach entire class, Kundalini/Kriya Theory, Yoga Nidra/Gong Bath

• Today started dreary and cool, and our wardrobes totally matched it. Everyone was in super comfy clothes, and I donned the pigtails. 
• Morning practice was stronger and more focused than I expected after three straight nights of 5 hours of sleep.
• My low back has healed extraordinarily fast, but my neck needs a bit more time, however not totally disabling.
• I have never done jump up from plank very gracefully. I did it perfect once during practice, and every time after that was silent and strong. Funny how mental mind blocks are totally real.
• My elbows have ceased the feeling of snapping in half during shoulder rolls.
• There was a mini tangent on Gemology. I'm the first to roll my eyes at that stuff, but its certainly interesting.
• I keep wishing for Adamantine studios to open near home. It sounds like the perfect style for me. And the most effective. 
• "You can't create stillness through force"
• "Yoga is seen as transformation, but its not. Its about what already is. It just uses transformation to show you what is in your inner being"
• Thank god for smiley dancers in the front row to help you out during Group Teach when you completely blank on what to do after boat pose in the Mat Series. 
• Some people just really annoy you. They need to learn that being the elder in age does not automatically make you the leader along with the actual educated instructors. 
• The last hour before dinner was near impossible, my eyes kept closing no matter how interested I was in learning about the torture that is Kundalini style.
• Chakras are fascinating. We didn't cover near enough. I want to know more!
• In order to prep for the Gong bath after a dinner break, we had to get our bodies re-energized (and I don't mean the typical definition of energy). So we used Kundalini Kriya's in order to do so in about 35 minutes. 8 kriyas, and I was sweating and breathless and miserable. 
• One such Kriya was bow pose, rocking forward and back on your stomach, breathing Lions breath with your tongue hanging out, for two full minutes. NOT pretty.
• "Feel your ears hear…."
• Something about those vibrations makes me want them every day for the rest of forever. You feel every millimeter of your skin. 
• Driving under Gong shouldn't be allowed. DUG is definitely a dangerous and risky activity. You just simply don't care. 
• Tonight marks the halfway point of our two week intensive. Feels like I've been here a year. And yet, only a few hours at the same time. 

Day Seven. Inversion Heaven.

Practicing before dinner!

Day Seven: 90 min yoga flow, Asymeterical Series Practice, Group Teach, Practice Workshops, Inversions

• Way too many backbends the day before leads to ALL day back pain and atrocious formed cobras.
• But besides that, I am getting extremely flexible. But 12 hour practices a day will do that after a full week. 
• My shoulders have at least twice the opening ability that they had this time last week. Its insane. 
• During practice, the stronger the ujjayi breathing of the person next to you, the better you can keep it going yourself. I have problems in this area. I just….get sidetracked.
• Jonathon Goldman is THEE best savasana music ever. Especially 7th Chakra Chant. Its goose bump worthy.
• The average person does three yoga poses over the course of their life. Lying down, seated, and standing. Take the relaxed calm feeling you had during final relaxation and bring it to your seated position, and then on through the rest of your day"
• I am finding the poses of Asymmetrical Sequences are getting muddled with over practice. Its one big blur.
• Todays compliment's involved me having cute outfits and having a vibrant presence during my group teach. I'll take it :-)
• I have figured out my pronoun problem. I saw We and Our while doing the practice with them, but can get out the You and Yours while I am teaching as I watch. I must fix this somehow. 
• "Show me what you think your best plank is"
• Two straight days of this many group teach practices has me feeling like a little kid beat up on the playground by a big wooly Yeti.
• I realize more and more how much of an introvert I am. I prefer to take my meal breaks in the car alone.
• Tonights Inversions made me realize that they can be fun when instructed properly and efficiently. 
• Example, don't go from half shoulder stand to shoulder stand. Go to shoulder stand from plow, its WAY easier and your back is able to get MUCH straighter.
• For headstand, create a yamaka out of your hands. 
• James gave me a headstand assist, but I totally rocked my own balance. I might actually succeed at inversions!
• No way did I ever think I would be able to do a forearm stand. And I did. Whoa.

Day Four RYT

Day Four: 90 min yoga flow, Pose Workshop, Teaching Techniques, Teacher Choreography, Sanskrit

• My focus this morning has been GREATLY increased by my cardio workout before class. 
• 90 minute yoga practice flies by when done by a great teacher.
• Backbends and inversions are incredibly frustrating when your back has been jacked up so many times. 
• Years of completely failing at Ujjayi breath has finally come to an end!!  :-)
• Workshopping poses with collegiate dancers can be pretty crazy to watch.
• The 100th Monkey Theory and Buddhist Sansara Retreats make my brain melt with impossibility.
• Repeat the same relaxation music time after time, it allows you to forget it exists. 
• Using the word "wonky" during opening sequence is not encouraged. 
• I am legitly terrified to group teach the opening sequence tomorrow. 
• Sanskrit theory is fascinating.
• Did I mention I am terrified?

Day Three at RYT (it rhymes!)

Day Three: Group practice, Theory, Anatomy

• "There's riches in the niches"
• Never have I felt like I was going to snap my elbows in half.
• Hatha literally means sun/moon and represents the balance of active and passive poses.
• Again, most people practice incorrectly as they go straight from Warrior One to Warrior Two. Keep your hips in the same place and create poses that follow that hip alignment!
• I picked a much better spot to sit today, neck pain during a yoga intensive just doesn't seem right.
• If I could start a yoga business, it would be in partner yoga. 
• The body has far more wisdom than the brain. 
• I have grotesque ankles that allow me to severely evert my ankles. I had no idea. 
• Thanks to NLXF, I even think about sweating, I am drenched. Ick. 
• We created new poses for forgotten animals, such as, hamster, shark, and unicorn.
• No matter where I go, I cannot escape the Bear Crawl.
• Today, my Clean diet isn't as miserable as yesterday. 
• Being told that my voice stuck out as being unique in the positive way to the guy that hears HUNDREDS of yogi voices :-)
• How can a clam cram into a clean cream can?

Imploding my brain with yoga.

I meant to write a post before I got here, explaining about my yoga journey in life so far, and that just didn't happen. And seeing as though in the past 48 hours, I've looked at Facebook for a total of about 45 seconds, that might help you understand just how insanely busy this next 15 days will be.

8:30am-9:00pm. Every day. Including weekends. For 15 days straight. Thats a lot of knowledge being pounded into my brain. All I want to do is sleep as soon as Im done for the day. I don't even want to veg out with tv really, I just want bedtime.

And food. But that's because I somehow stupidly decided to pair this experience with the Clean diet, but Im hoping ill end up being ok with that. At most I will get an hour of work out a day while I'm here on days that I can get up early enough to hit the gym.

Anyways, I wanted to post a few thoughts every day while I was here, just pass on bits of interesting facts or personal lightbulbs as I go. It won't be as in-depth as it could be, or I would be typing twelve hours a day, because its all fascinating. But here's a MINISCULE teeny mini mind snatch of Day 1 & 2.


Day One: Introductions

• "Do what challenges you the most"
• Realization that I've been instructed incorrectly through 99% of yoga classes
• Balancing the body is far more complex than you would think it is. 
• I have tightened up so much and lost so much of my fluid flexibility. Lost so much / tight
• I'm really struggling with my desire to train to build this muscle like I have for the past year, knowing that I am now struggling with what used to come easy in yoga.
• However, I do know I can build back to it rather easily, because I haven't lost as much ground as it feels.

Day Two: Group practice, Theory, Anatomy, Partner/Acro Yoga

• "98% of your body is brand new every 365 days"
• Pigeon is a horrible pose for the mass majority of us.
• Most of us have been doing Triangle wrong for years.
• Emily and I  created a new partner yoga pose, "Horse pulls the Plow"
• AcroYoga is the scariest fun you can do with just your body.

A rollercoaster of an NLXF week.

I gotta say, the beginning of this week's NLXF is a lot better than last week. I have been meaning to write a whole post about my addiction and life orienting NLXF, but its still in the works. Alas, you'll just have to deal with my highs and lows of last week.

Monday-
5:30am class had pissed off Ryan so he was in a horrible mood. We suffered for it, but it was only slightly.
Second to last burn out set of the day, I was throwing a right roundhouse and completely rolled my ankle. Not just a little bit, but so far over that I couldn't balance on it on the hop into the roundhouse and just totally crumpled to the ground. Pain I can deal with, the fear of having to take a few days off of class is NOT acceptable.

Tuesday-
Ankle was weak and wobbly, but good enough to work on. 5:30 had pissed off Ryan so much again that there was no stretch, no warm up, straight into the work out. And I thought I was going to die. It was walk in at 6:30 in the morning, completely cold body and into suicide squats. I was pissed. Plus his mood was so filled with angst and vindictiveness that my anger just grew the whole class. And I sure wasn't the only one. People were livid.

Thursday-
Ryan was finally back to himself.
I had quite the "clouds opening up" philosophical moment that lasted the whole class. A section of the boot camp was racing steps. And I know that I focus so hard on them that it has a tendency to slow me down. I know this because when I let go of my brain and just go, I can fly a lot faster through them. Its like I think the step is going to jump out from under me or I am going to miss it or something. At the one moment, it just ran through my brain, "The step will always be there. The step will never change" You'd think I was in the asylum as much as I was chanting that in my head through class. And even the next day, going through bags, the bag will always be there. Trust that it will, and hit it harder.

Friday-
Before class even started, I had the joy of hearing a Gretta story revolving around her desire to be body slammed by Creed. Even if it was in punishment for telling future classes about the workout. She might be the single most entertaining source possible at 6am. Her completely out there in the open crushes on both Creed and Ryan and how they make her "swoon" is enough to make anyone laugh. Not to mention the looks on her face when Ryan tells us to watch his hips (a very happy look) or when he announces Burpee pyramids (this one is usually accompanied by silent profanities).

For some reason, I had done a total 180 since Monday and I was just able to go to town during the Gauntlet. I killed it. I had more power in both hits and kicks than I have in a long time. Creed called me out by name four times in an hour, with an "atta baby" attached to each one. Its his catch phrase, but that many. I knew it wasn't one of those faux encouragements. Even with a less than stellar Week 5 (of this particular session, not overall) weigh in, I was feeling pretty good.

Only growing my ego more when I walked in for my second class of the day at 9:15, and Creed told me before we walked into class, "Clare, you're an animal. No, you are, and you know why." Which then proceeded into yet another bag slaughter session.

Beast mode. Success. Now just to buckle down this carb and sugar intake in the next five weeks. For some reason, my self control the past few weeks has been lower than it has in years. I've gained seven pounds since New Years. And that better stop!