Take your genetic predisposition a and SHOVE IT.

I've been working out seriously for close to a decade now. And only in the past few weeks have I been able to admit to myself, I don't need to be skinny. Not like that. 

 

Former fat kid in body. Still a fat kid in mentality. And it has taken right years of being a gym rat and two years of NLXF for me to get my head out my ass. It's been 8 or 9 sessions of me barely missing a day, in the beginning going twice a day just to get the results I wanted. Hitting cardio both before and after class. And eating what I felt was like a rabbit at times. I refused to be the fat kid again. And I was determined to torture my body to do it. 

And I hit a stop point. No results. No weight down. No muscle growth. No progress. Push up pyramids still get me crying near every time because in theory I SHOULD be able to do it. And I'm nowhere close. 

Last session is the end of all that crap. I don't need to be skinny like that. I never will be. But I can get jacked if I want. I can have that muscle and look just as good. As healthy. 

I was set that it was my body's fault. That it was messed up somehow. I are right. I worked out obsessively. Doctor after doctor found nothing wrong with me. Telling me to workout more, workout less, eat more carbs, flat out not believing me. And the one that had the audacity to tell me I was genetically predisposition to be obese. 

And I'm not convinced that I don't have some imbalances hindering me, but by godsend I feel like I've found my miracle. The trainer watching me struggle for the past two years finally had enough and has put an end to this misery.

 I've more than doubled my protein intake already (I don't like meat. It's hard for me) and started heavier lifting after class every day. Hours on the cardio machines cut done to under an hour a day. 

It's been mere weeks and the progress is there. I can see it. I can feel it. I am determined. I will do this. I will get there and stay. 

That's my long boring spiel. Welcome to my life. Have a seat and stay awhile. Things are going up from here. Even if it's the scale. All muscle baby. 

Lack of an Update.

I feel like this blog has been totally neglected, but I really don't have much to talk about these days. Not that I'm even whining about life, everything's going just dandy (granted the weather hasn't exactly been cooperating since its ALMOST May) but that's neither here nor there.

Spring break at Disney went splendidly. Weather was great, food was gorged upon, rides were ridden. Spent three days up to Mayo in the beginning of April trying to find answers for this constant workout dilemma I have. Learning absolutely diddly was beyond disheartening. Although I guess I did learn I have off the charts awesome cholesterol. My HDL is 93 and LDL is 91. But I guess there's gotta be some perks when you don't like red meat or pork.

So there. A slightly informative update! Non yoga related. Although I know that one will be coming soon....

 

No Lightning Bolt Scar for Me!

It's been awhile since a real update, but I can't say anything extremely out of the ordinary AND exciting has happened recently. A few weeks ago Tim, Mom, and I went up to a day trip to Minneapolis to do a bit of shopping, but nothing crazy (unless you count the amount of things we got at Whole Foods, or the receipt I had from Lululemon....).

I've also had more than a few battles with the scale, which has led me to start the Skinny Girl brand of Restore and Cleanse, just thought I might feel a bit better. And it has, if by better you think I mean I feel like I want to choke all the while drinking the two packets a day. Although if I mix it with half a lemonade packet, hold my breath, chug a few swallows, then still hold my breath while I chase it with a regular packet juice, the exhale, I can handle it. Kinda. Ugh. Its gross people. Really really gross.

Along the lines of probably too much information, I have been exiled from the land of yoga for too long (a few days), hopefully ending tomorrow *fingers crossed*. This coming from the fact that I have about an inch and a half of wire sewn into my back that I don't want to be torn out by an overly aggressive downward dog. Ok, that sounds much more exciting than it is. I had a suspicious mole on my back, they sliced it off with a razor, felt that it was an even sneakier bugger than they thought and went back with what seemed like a machete and took quite a chunk out that required lots of stitching. And really, the only thing that is hindered by it is yoga. Ugh. Although yesterday and today, it has been itching like crazy. Its all I can do to not take a hairbrush to it. But I wouldn't exactly like to revisit the Covenant Surgical Center if I can help it. It was quite the experience though, the nurses came in for quite the party and I got lots of pre-warmed sheets. Not too bad if he didn't slice and dice me.

But I swear not all of my life is a physical mess! The beginning of summer is taking a chill pill (or a sweltering hot pill) in preparation for the insanity that is coming up. 10 days in Africa is looming quite soon. Not exactly the way I thought I would be feeling about it, but there isn't much to do about it unfortunately. I'll go and try not to punch too many white people in the face. That will be that. Then the day after I get back is our 4th of July party which Tim has taken charge of. So at least I'll have that to directly look forward to while in Kenya.

Then a family vacation to Colorado for a week, which will be absolutely SPLENDID. I havent been to Copper Mountain in five-ish years and I want to go now. Like, yesterday. It's going to be perfect. I can just tell now.

A wedding weekend in Fargo. Then a fantabulous wedding outside of Boston which we are turning into a week long trip involving an Incubus concert, a Cirque du Soleil show, Boston vs Yankees game, few days in Boston, capped off with the wedding and subsequent wedding bonfire.

And then athletic season starts.....the football and volleyball schedule is already out. Seems like summer is already almost over before it's begun!

Can I get a muscle in the hizzy?

Could it be any more gloomy and dreary today? My body is totally channeling the weather and cannot seem to be anymore bored or blah than it is now. But that's still a step up from my body last Friday.

As I said last post, I just started working with a personal trainer. The goal was to figure out why my current diet and workout routines were not doing anything helpful, if not in fact hindering my body. With a side plus of learning some new stuff to work on my arms and legs. A daily plan perhaps. It hasn't quite worked out like that though. At all.

The first session was testing, to see where I was at. With Carissa's classes, I more than outshone all of the tests with the exception of pushups which was totally expected. The second session was really just her watching me do a ridiculous and probably unhealthy amount of weight lifting. My blood pressure went so low at the end that my hearing went out for a few seconds (like when you yawn) and I thought I was going to puke. All of this is fine and dandy, except that doing this once a week for the 6 (maybe 12) weeks that I can afford isn't going to affect much.

Which is annoying. I need a plan! A schedule! Tell me what to do every day and I will do it. Don't just try to kill me in the weight room once a week and think that's going to change anything really.

She's also led me to believe that I have a ridiculously slow metabolism. Great. Thanks. That helps me a TON.

We shall see. Hopefully it morphs into a crazy awesome good thing. At least I like her. She's super nice and all, just not too into personalities. Its a, "I tell you to do this many and then I watch you do them" type relationship. Army 101.

I'm a whiner with a reason.

I wasn't ever planning on posting this blather, but today just made me want to scream and punch something. This seems better than bloody knuckles at the moment....but I'll make it quick.

Hitting high school, I was more than chubby. Entered college, discovered the gym, lost a lot of weight. Moved back to Iowa three years later, and went absolutely crazy with it. Tim was in grad school all night, so I had plenty of time to run and go to classes at the rec. Last summer I was at my prime, and for some reason, my body just stopped. I plateaued, which was fine by me, but now over the past 6 months or so, I started gaining again. I have kept my diet and exercise routine, and it is the most frustrating aggrivating thing in the entire world.

This is a vast majority of what I eat. Fruit. Lots of it. Plenty of carrots and broccoli too. Throw in some oatmeal and cereal and you have my favorites. I am trying to get more protein in, but not liking a lot of meat, its a lot of egg dishes for me. 1200 calories a day. And its not approximate, I measure everything. It seems crazy, but it helps a lot.

I run like crazy. 5 to 8 miles a day. 5 to 6 days a week. On an incline. Its impossible to run more than this, it takes FOREVER. Thank god for tivo. On top of that, I do yoga four days a week and an abs and core class twice a week.

So after trying some new routines and failing, I finally gave in and went to the doctor, too worried to avoid it anymore. I keep gaining and it drives me insane. I cant eat less, I cant work out more, and yeah, Im not as big as I was, but if it keeps going, where will it stop? I just cant afford a personal trainer right now in life, and frankly, what else are they going to tell me that I dont know? So in to the doctor!
I dont know what I was expecting, but it was not what he told me. He pretty much automatically assumed that I was lying about what I do and how i eat and told me that I should lift upper body weights and be more careful about what I eat. My mom was diagnosed with a thyroid issue recently, so to humor me, he had me pricked, but his attitude was ridiculous. No talk of vitamins or supplements or any possible problems with my body. It was straight to more exercise. Ridiculous. And then he said that I have come a long way since I was younger and should just be happy with that and be happy with my body. Excuse me? I am gaining weight here, its not like I am trying to become a supermodel, I just want to buy normal pants! I currently have to get pants two sizes two big for my waist because of my thighs. Its miserable.

Ugh. Sorry. Its a long term aggrivation for the past eight months. And I have completely hit a wall with nowhere to go. It's like, I might as well give up since nothing works. I know I wont. But still, GGRRRRRRRR. Help.