Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Pilates Predicament

Ok, the picture above, isn't EXACTLY related to the post, but it exemplifies so many things that make me beyond irritated when I go to work out. Go HERE to see my Gym Rat Rant.

Sidenote Opener Pet Peeve: Why do people push the handicap door button when going into the gym? Its like, guys, you are going to WORK OUT and you cant even open the door?!?! Lazy.

But still, this post is a rant about the gym, one class in particular. My pilates class. Now dont get me wrong, I love pilates, I have been going for quite awhile now, but my regular instructor is subbing another class for a woman on maternity leave. So therefore, there is a sub for Pilates. And good lord, this woman shouldn't be allowed near a foam mat.

On her first morning, she told us that she hadn't ever taught Pilates before (deal-able), but then proceeded to tell us that she didn't actually know any Pilates and had researched on the internet the night before. She is constantly looking at "notes" and finding crazy weird poses and exercises that are NOTHING like what we should be doing. Doing high knee kicks with twists would make Josef Pilates turn over in his grave (he is dead, right?) I mean, even wikipedia has more accurate descriptions of Pilates than what this lady does.

Its a class of mostly older (read: late 50s) women who aren't in the greatest of shape. And quite a few bigger women (read: they wear Skechers Shape Ups and think they work). I go because its a really good time for me and the regular instructor is my personal trainer, so I just make everything she has us do about 10 times harder. But with this new chick, she has us doing things (like shoulder stand leg kicks) that even I (who has been practicing yoga for four years) probably shouldn't be doing.

She is DANGEROUS! Nothing she does is with technique, its basically "Go as fast as you can" technique, which is just asking for poor framing and posture, getting less of a workout in, and a higher possibility of injury.

Also, she is always having them cross their legs for everything, which was one of the first things I ever learned. It throws your hips and IT bands of whack, you DONT cross your legs. But she claims it makes it easier to do. Which I guess I cant argue with, Im sure it does, but isn't her job as an instructor to lead you through the workout, and not make it so that you barely work, as well as NOT get messed up hips?

Maybe its just me that thinks that....not to mention that there is no warm up. And not that its a ridiculously hard workout, but at that hour in the morning, if I was lazy and didnt get up and run first, my body is cold and stiff. Going into shoulder stand cold, is NOT cool on the back.

Definitely not the brightest bulb in the box. She passed out the long weight bars (cause those are SO Pilates...) and handed me one of the smaller weighted ones, 8pounds, while she was giving out 22pound bars to the older women. Now, this makes ZERO sense to me, maybe she thought they were all the same, but they are all labeled with different NEON colored labels, and as she was passing them out, wouldnt she FEEL the difference? Apparently not.

And finally one of my biggest peeves. She can't count. She will actually skip numbers, then get confused at to how its taking so long to finish 12 counts. She needs a metronome too, because the first 10 counts will go MUCH slower than the last, like she is getting sick of it and goes faster just to get it over with. It's like, just use the clock lady, or a watch or ANYTHING, hell, let ME count for you. Or she will lie, and say that 10 more counts and then we are done, but then says she was kidding and we have abother 30 to do. I HATE THAT. Its like, I kill my last few every time knowing that they are my last ones, so when I am burnt out and find out I am only half way, I get pissed. Plus, why lie? It doesnt make it easier...it just makes me hate you more...

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