DPP 08: No Mommy! Don't Leave Us!

This is what happens when I tell the children that I am leaving for the gym in the morning….

Curls and Ego Cuddles?

I am FINALLY at a gym this morning, after two days without. And I feel like Barney blew up here. Not just his bright purple and acid yellow, but Barney's aura of smooshy love clearly remains.

They say No Judgement, yet how can you not at least ponder the 50 year old at the free weights who has spider (spiderman style) tattoos on all four limbs. I mean really?

Cardio feels amazing. Watching my FT40 hit 170 makes my heart soar (almost literally ;-) ).

I could stay here all day, but itd be easier if I were a colorblind optimist, I mean a Lunk Alarm? Is this Chuckie Cheese?

Not even A&E?

I am the ONLY one at the gym, I ask the attendant to change the channel from ESPN. She chooses MSNBC. As a female in my 20s, ellipticaling to Hardball with Chris Matthews does not bode for a successful workout.

Is there Working Out Anonymous?

I think I might have a problem. An addiction if you will. So we are in the middle of the snowpocalypse, blizzard, average snowfall for an Iowan February, whatever you want to call it. Schools are closing, people are driving like they were taught by Mr. Magoo, and stores are running out of eggs and milk (because clearly thats all we need to survive the 12 hours we might be stuck inside).

But my phone rang moments ago. Unknown local number. I screen my calls (because I'm deaf and have a hard enough time understanding the people I know and love that call me) but Tim decides that he'll answer it for me. Well, it turns out it was one of my instructors at the rec center (mind you, NOT my personal trainer) calling to let me know that her class was cancelled for tomorrow morning and she just wanted to let me know personally so I wouldn't risk my life coming in thinking I would be able to work my nonexistant (yet still somehow sore) triceps.

Now, it might not seem like its a big deal. But this woman isn't a friend of mine. We don't hang out. We've never hung out. I didn't even know she knew my name, let alone had my phone number to call me at home to let me know that I dont need to come in that early. This is a sign that I might be there a little too much. Instructors know i am there every possible second I can be, and will be there no matter what.

Case in point the fact that I was at the gym three different times today. In the morning for pilates and some biking, in the afternoon for more biking, and then this evening for bootcamp class. Those are Tuesdays and Thursdays. Mondays and Wednesdays are worse though. Upper body class, yoga class, biking, and abs class. Fridays are personal training and biking.

The sad part is that I would be there even more if I didn't have both a treadmill and elliptical in my house....

Thanks: Day 1 & 2.

Let's try this being thankful for something every day this month. Of course I am thankful for a million things every day. Most of them totally trivial, but its the little things that add up! So don't judge me on the total lack of serious thanks giving every day! I cant say I am thankful for love and family and all that smooshy stuff for 30 days straight. Puke.

Day #1: My Hello Kitty toaster that makes the prettiest toast. Given to me as a birthday present by my adorable college roommate.

Day #2: A daddy who picks me up at the gym when keys get locked in my car. (Note that it actually wasn't my fault for once, I didn't lock them in there, Tim did. But its not really his fault either....)

The Pilates Predicament

Ok, the picture above, isn't EXACTLY related to the post, but it exemplifies so many things that make me beyond irritated when I go to work out. Go HERE to see my Gym Rat Rant.

Sidenote Opener Pet Peeve: Why do people push the handicap door button when going into the gym? Its like, guys, you are going to WORK OUT and you cant even open the door?!?! Lazy.

But still, this post is a rant about the gym, one class in particular. My pilates class. Now dont get me wrong, I love pilates, I have been going for quite awhile now, but my regular instructor is subbing another class for a woman on maternity leave. So therefore, there is a sub for Pilates. And good lord, this woman shouldn't be allowed near a foam mat.

On her first morning, she told us that she hadn't ever taught Pilates before (deal-able), but then proceeded to tell us that she didn't actually know any Pilates and had researched on the internet the night before. She is constantly looking at "notes" and finding crazy weird poses and exercises that are NOTHING like what we should be doing. Doing high knee kicks with twists would make Josef Pilates turn over in his grave (he is dead, right?) I mean, even wikipedia has more accurate descriptions of Pilates than what this lady does.

Its a class of mostly older (read: late 50s) women who aren't in the greatest of shape. And quite a few bigger women (read: they wear Skechers Shape Ups and think they work). I go because its a really good time for me and the regular instructor is my personal trainer, so I just make everything she has us do about 10 times harder. But with this new chick, she has us doing things (like shoulder stand leg kicks) that even I (who has been practicing yoga for four years) probably shouldn't be doing.

She is DANGEROUS! Nothing she does is with technique, its basically "Go as fast as you can" technique, which is just asking for poor framing and posture, getting less of a workout in, and a higher possibility of injury.

Also, she is always having them cross their legs for everything, which was one of the first things I ever learned. It throws your hips and IT bands of whack, you DONT cross your legs. But she claims it makes it easier to do. Which I guess I cant argue with, Im sure it does, but isn't her job as an instructor to lead you through the workout, and not make it so that you barely work, as well as NOT get messed up hips?

Maybe its just me that thinks that....not to mention that there is no warm up. And not that its a ridiculously hard workout, but at that hour in the morning, if I was lazy and didnt get up and run first, my body is cold and stiff. Going into shoulder stand cold, is NOT cool on the back.

Definitely not the brightest bulb in the box. She passed out the long weight bars (cause those are SO Pilates...) and handed me one of the smaller weighted ones, 8pounds, while she was giving out 22pound bars to the older women. Now, this makes ZERO sense to me, maybe she thought they were all the same, but they are all labeled with different NEON colored labels, and as she was passing them out, wouldnt she FEEL the difference? Apparently not.

And finally one of my biggest peeves. She can't count. She will actually skip numbers, then get confused at to how its taking so long to finish 12 counts. She needs a metronome too, because the first 10 counts will go MUCH slower than the last, like she is getting sick of it and goes faster just to get it over with. It's like, just use the clock lady, or a watch or ANYTHING, hell, let ME count for you. Or she will lie, and say that 10 more counts and then we are done, but then says she was kidding and we have abother 30 to do. I HATE THAT. Its like, I kill my last few every time knowing that they are my last ones, so when I am burnt out and find out I am only half way, I get pissed. Plus, why lie? It doesnt make it easier...it just makes me hate you more...