Day Thirteen: One more day left!!!!

Got out of the car at the hotel the training is in, walked three feet and I hear my name shouted across the parking lot. Linda was rushing toward me. She was surprised but very happy to se me back today. She thought after yesterday I probably wouldn't come back (she said she wouldn't). Her opinion was that James was too harsh and went too far, very unlike him. That he should have put a pause in the conversation due to the emotion, and continued in another meeting. But the fact that I came back was "brave and showed maturity." She said I should just follow my heart no matter what. So that was really meaningful actually. That it wasn't just me that felt out of place about it. Enough that she even felt the need to tell me.

Before class, Matthew did his best best ribbon dancer impression and it was awesome.

Morning group class. Uneventful. Surprising how many people didn't know gate pose.

The rest of the day was taught by James web designer, Michelle. She came to GSP and class this morning, not impressed. She was also 45 minutes late to dinner last night. And she looks like Janes twin sister. So immediately, not into it.

Plus in talking about the web, 80% of what she says is total common sense. It's slightly aggravating and a time waste. The handout alone would have been plenty if information.

I'm also hindered by the fact that I no longer have zero future plans.

Its the common sense factor. And I'm not Internet savvy to begin with. I can only imagine how suicidal Nate is.

Afternoon on marketing by the same guest instructor. Woohoo

GSP was weird. I feel like James can't make up his mind. He took out the transverse lunge, leaving me with no prep pose for wide splits, but then helped with my handstand taking me further by starting my bent elbows lead out. Just so back and forth. I'm in and then I'm out, and then back in.

Day 12: 400hr Yoga Teacher Training

Morning group class started on the wall. Nice easy deep stretching of awesome. Some kriyas following. Clearly a pity warm up.

James has OCD note taking skills. And it sounds exactly like what I do.

---insert premature day twelve rant here-----

It was odd during GSP, I got my head into quicker than expected. I think my body was craving the movement to process my brain. At one point James pulled me out of a transition, "Let me hear one full breath" which felt really weird, but I moved on.

My handstands have been lower than mediocre all week. Both the few attempts in GSP and practicing with Nate. But my first opportunity in the sequence, James was there for an attempt, and I expected BAD.

But it wasn't, I got my legs all the way up for the first time in close to a week, and that set my determination even stronger. I got two more attempts later, one super close, and one really productive tuck. My splits were able to go without blocks, but not the full five (totally acceptable to me) and I got one side of shoulder roll full form without assistance. I was pleased.

But then I got a weird vibe after class when James asked, "Who's blocks are those?" Not with a smile or joking. Made me feel like I was being accused of something I didn't do....

Evening session. Dinner with Sheree. Raw vegan. This was my third dinner with her. Her personality and mine just don't match. Dinner was raw corn on the cob, raw jicama "potato" salad, and raw nut burger with ""BBQ" sauce. At least I liked the coconut cocoa ball for dessert?

It was just a long day and I was ready for it to be over, but LD brought wine for dinner and his hilarity definitely cheered me up. Like trying to hook Sheree and Nate up.

Day Eleven: 400 hour Yoga Teacher Training

Before group class this morning, James called us up to talk a bit, and we reminded us about the toll our bodies are paying right now, and that we should be giving ourselves permission to take it easy during practices. And I think the permission from him is really what I needed to hear to not push into EVERYTHING 1000%.

So going into group class felt easier, and the first half felt good, but it was the second half that was just CRAWLING by. I swear it lasted three times as long as the first half. And when I finally rolled up into half shoulder stand, BOTH shoulders popped at the same time and my back cracked in at least three spots. It was crazy.

And he says that each morning class is vastly different each day, and I see minor differences, but by no means would I say they are drastically diverse.

Coming back, we discussed last nights listening speaker. And clearly we all agree on the lack of purpose of it. It started slow, but by the end, it was just a laundry list if things she did wrong.

Business of workshops was next, and it completely turned into a Q&A session, which I loved. All about web building, social media, back end products, price setting and marketing. All insane practical and helpful info.

Then it got even better discussing anatomy trains, also known as myofascial meridians. Fascia is fascinating to me, and I just naturally get the concept. I was totally sucked in.

EXCEPT that I was sandwiched between Matthew and Nate, both so ADD that their legs move at insane rates while sitting.

Sticking with the meridians concept, we brought out the foam rollers again, basically going through the same workshop we did in the 300, but just as productive. It's always a nice mini massage of pain with those rollers.

But the bonus was after the session, James asked who was really into the myofascial stuff, and of course I spoke up, and I happened to be first so I scored the Anatomy Trains book that James had been working out of. Its awesome. Really fascinating to look through.

In GSP, I officially made the note that Mathew refuses to assist my handstands, whether its because he thinks I'll hurt him or what, but he's had numerous opportunities, and just leaves me to go on in the sequence instead. BUT after practice he did tell me that that was the best he's seen me do.

James during the practice was almost as encouraging. I had three crappy handstand attempts, but he "couldn't leave me out" and gave full assist in my front split prep. After, telling me I'm getting good, and that it's "changing you". Whatever that means, or whatever he THINKS it means.

Overall the day went insanely fast. The fastest day of the training by far. I am a-ok with that.

Day Ten: 400hr Yoga Teacher Training

Group Class was soo much better this morning. My body was ready for it and my mind was slightly better too. I honestly wonder if the workout before the practice makes that big a difference. I can see my progress in the past ten days with my backbendd today. My camel was far deeper than normal. But overall far more relaxed.

The session was on teaching workshops. Starting with overall ideas and techniques for a successful workshop, but then we divided out into groups to discuss ideas for our own personal workshops. Ended up being the odd one out, and stuck with the two most set path yogis. One Olympic diver and one professional dancer. Great. I have no idea my niche. I flat out said I have no idea for my future, and the only thing from my past I had was film school. And no matter how many times I said that I want nothing to do with that, that's the only ideas they came up with for the whole session. Not only unhelpful but annoying.

Back in big group the rest of session, we picked up a few of people's ideas and discussed them. Including Nates "IT guy" yoga with a "Reboot your life" idea. Matthew has great one liners for classes. And about giving a message and "dropping yoga bombs".

Afternoon is all about going through a sample backbend workshop and how to successfully run it with tips and tricks and techniques. Then in the same group as before creating more details on a specific workshop.

The weekend off GSP was amazing. I went through the entire practice without a second thought. In 90degree pigeon I got "Good job baby" and then a "Really good Clare" got one of my handstands. And after, "I'm proud of you, you're really getting this." Yay me!!! My one down moment was my wrists burning in wheel, yet my backbend in it was superstring, so I don't even care! :-)

Tonight's guest speaker session killed me. It was on listening. Ok, fine, yoga is kinda fruity like that. But....we learned nothing. It was all in, make sure you listen. Ok?!?! She quoted Stephen Covey and I knew we were doomed. She did a ton of group exercises but didn't explain ANY of them well enough so every time we were really confused, and by the last exercise, people weren't listening at all and couldn't even follow through. It was kinda ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous.

Day Nine: Another breath of fresh air.

We had our first group class taught by James. I am spoiled by GSP, group class just couldn't hold my attention. Although it wasn't helped by my brand new mat being slippery and my body just really not wanting to move. I was so locked up that my toes didn't touch in plow. Crazy for me. My palms and feet were just sliding all over the place. Although he used the metronome, and I gotta say I really liked it. Even though I wasn't focusing hard on the count, my body seemed to just naturally stay with it. One thing my body did NOT just go with, was James calling for a crane somersault. Uh. No.

But that was it for the day. All the people that weren't in for the 300 week were there all day again. Can't say it was a bad Sunday. Morning class, hit the gym, made some brunch, watched a movie, marked through Adamantine, went for a walk, had dinner with Tim, dad, Chris and Nate at Jethros. Absolutely nothing productive. And that is a-ok.

Day Eight: ALMOST a vacation day in the 400.

Because of all the new people coming in for just the 400hr, the ones that just went through the 300 only had to attend the morning session this Saturday, and then have the rest of the day off.

Nate and I were lucky enough to hit up the Farmers Market before class which was awesome, unless you count that we got a loaf of apple bread that was totally polished off within 24 hours. But it was delicious.

And we also fit in brunch with my lovely and awesome family (minus mom, but she's cool too ;-) ). The boys (Tim, dad, and Chris) were all going down to KC for the weekend to attend two of the Red Sox games and decided they missed me enough to come down a little early and feed us breakfast foods and hear all about it. After one long week with a long week ahead of me, being around people that I can be at complete ease with, was exactly what I needed. As was the few bites of Tim's pumpkin pancakes ;-)

Our one session of the day was Advanced Sequencing. I figured it would be teaching us how to sequence a class that we teach outside of Adamantine. Wrong. Not even close. Basically he described how he formatted Adamantine (balance within the limbs) and compared it to other ways you could format a class around, such as the meridian system or the chakras. He went through the Chakra system, which I actually thought was really cool. I was pretty fascinated in it, and I followed the concept well enough that I would love to teach a class following it sometime. Working through all the chakras within the class.

This was the same time that I wrote this less than upbeat and perky post....

And the rest of the day was full of rest and relaxation with some furry felines. 

Day Seven: End of 300, Start of 400.

GSP was middle ground this morning. My awkward flailing arms couldnt decide which wau to go, making it mediocre. And when it was my turn to assist, I only got to two in my portion. 

"We aren't trying to change our personality, but whittle away the negative aspects" - Janes thought on the process, something I thought was perfectly worded.

The afternoon session was on Uddiyana Bandha and Nauli Kriya. Not quite breath work, but related. Involves sucking in the stomach and sealing it basically, and the latter being to move it in a circular pattern. It's an advanced practice, but fun to try. Although there's a very fine line between doing it without consequences and then becoming extremely nauseous. 

That being said, this practice led a vast majority of our class into a very awkward TMI talk about their pooping habits. UN-necessary. 

Last session of the 300hr yoga teacher training was all on business aspects. Aka, going around the room and telling everyone about our proposed yoga future. During my turn, I learned that Pauline pays her brand new instructors $25-30 a class. And they don't have the studio maintenance to do that I do. Or be there an hour early. I'm getting screwed. This is the first time James actually bring up the idea of a more varied business model for me, aka build my own NLXF. And I flat out said no. It wouldn't work successfully, and even if it would, and even if it makes me bad at business, I'm not fighting their business. Not after all they've helped me with. No. 

But that was it for the 300, we got our certificates, said out goodbyes, and that was that.

The 400hr started later that evening. 7 of us stayed from the 300, and 7 more new people came in. It was kinda funny, we completely stayed on one half of the room with the newbies on the other half. 

Sarah from my 200 came and joined us, and a lot of GSPers that Nate knew. LD is in Cedar Rapids, owns a dance company and is a really good guy. Another Sarah owns a dance studio in DM, an older lady, a girl from Portland who went to the Olympic Diving finals, an older Asian woman named Jane who had my eyeballs completely out of their sockets when she told the class that her son is the CEO of Pinterest. And how could we forget Ann, Nates favoritest in the world. Ok maybe not. They work at the same studio and she goes to GSP (I'm actually the only one besides Angie in the 400 that doesn't attend GSP). He tried to not taint my view of her before we met, but holy cow it OOZES out of her. Just not my type of person. I like my friends real and not whipping themselves into humility to look amazing. If she thanked James a single more time for sharing his knowledge with us.... I mean yes, somehow he deserves credit, but we ARE paying him a rather large chunk of change for him to teach us this stuff. He doesn't need to be publically worshiped every two hours. My story was by far the least interesting of the whole class. 

Besides getting to know eachother, James just went over the week's plan. warning us about the Hot Seat on Wednesday so we would have time to think and stew about what we have to share and ask about our business futures.

Non Yoga (ok, mostly kitty) of the 300/400 Yoga Training Weeks

Capturing some yoga moments from the 300hr Training...

Day Six of 300hr Yoga Teacher Training

Callie was a fabulous assister in GSP. Super strong, which is crazy to guess just looking at her, but having to assist Mathew, I guess it makes sense. 

I found a few assisters giving me verbal cues that I just couldn't hear at all. It's like, I know I'm near deaf, but a lot of people have worse hearing than I, make sure you can be heard!!

Got the cue to check breath after wide forward fold, kinda weird since that is such an easy one to breathe in. And another to not speed the transitions, although I know I am getting better at that one. 

I moved the blocks down to a lower level in splits! Holla. Wheel is looking good and I got three passes at handstand, each better than the time before. Choreography is clearly getting tighter, didn't mess up at all.

"What is this?"

"Protein, bro"- coming from the blondest most cheerleader looking girl on the planet

Working on our assisting in the shoulder roll sequencing, James told me to "Go squish Tiffany"

It always scares people when they go to assist you in a pose, and your back cracks all the way up. 

Complimentary practices talks with James are always interesting, and by interesting I mean trying to let it all roll off my back as he says yoga is all you need and that cardio and weight lifting not only doesn't help, but deteriorates the body. 

But a new addition to that "talk" is that foam rolling is encouraged. So we got to play with foam rollers working out tight spots if the body. So that was kinda fun. Until you got to the IT band, then it was just a whole lot of ouchees. It's a good workshop. An easy one. One I can see as being a good kick start to teaching workshops at the studio. Easily cut down to an hour, and easily assisted by a cohort.

We did one exercise in Rolfing. I remember this hurting like a BITCH last year. This year, it just felt awesome on my forearms. More! More!

Last part of the day was learning the seated sequence assists. At this point I realize that James has pretty much given up on trying to figure out my lower body. Which is super disheartening, it's like he just keeps taking poses out and telling me not to do them because of my lower leg "issues".  It's like, ok, so I'm just never going to so them? Cause this is showing me that you don't think you want to keep me around long term, and in my head, why try on my own to work for YOUR style if you don't want to put even the slight bit of effort into me. 

But as a class we got him to let us skip dinner so we could go straight into the practical assisting. This way we get done a lot earlier AND it's not like we can eat anyway, knowing that we have to come straight back into physical practice. So that was a nice perk.

He said the handstand partners were supposed to stay together, so I was worried I'd be stuck with Mathew again, but Jane had lost her partner, so I lucked out with her. Really good. She's tentative, but strong in her assists. She's grown so much since our 200 training. It's awesome to see. 

This round through wasn't shabby for me either, getting into full 90 degree pigeons, and getting the blocks on the lowest position in splits. 

A Premature Day 12

I know I am a full week behind blogging, but then yesterday happened. I'll continue on to day six soon, but for now, I'd rather just get the emotions of day twelve out there, and move them away......

"All sessions today are business brainstorming. Going around the room having 15 minute hot seats with everyone. Of course Nate went right before lunch and I had to wait until after.

Linda calling Nate a sexbomb was frighteningly hilarious.

My turn came, and I was beyond nervous, supposed to be about our near future in what we want to with yoga whether its working in the industry or not. We had five minutes to explain, five minutes for James to give his personal opinion and five minutes for the class's opinion. I started by pretty much saying I had no clue what was going on with all the new studios up and coming in the area, what and where I should be going, that I have no niche and I just have  no direction. 

And then it got far worse than I expected. I held it together for awhile, hitting that point where i couldn't talk without that awkward crack that everyone sees as "about to break" and yet he just kept pushing the buttons harder. Finally making me cry in front of everyone, until I asked to return to my seat, where the "hot seat" just continued.

I won't go into all the self pitying details, I do have notes on it, but basically he told me I'm not meant to be a yoga teacher, but not so blatantly. 

This is finishing my fourth week long intensive with him in the past 12 months. Not including the immersion or other interactions and Nates relationship with him. I feel like he has formed himself a very strong teacher and mentor in my head. And a very strong force in my yoga path. He has done the near impossible in taking me from being a COMPLETE skeptic and naysayer in Adamantine into a "how often can I take a weekday to drive to DM so I can take a 45 minute GSP so I can grow in the amazing practice" and in about a ten day span. That's beyond impressive. I am as hard headed and stubborn as they come. When I'm right, I'm right, turning me that fast almost takes brain washing skills. 

I digress, every session we have is very against cross training. Yoga is all we need. And he actively pulls people away from weights and cardio and promotes how bad for you those things are. All the negative affects those things have on your body and why they hurt your yoga practice. He was a Marine, he was a personal trainer, he isn't just speaking from a lack of ability to do those things. 

So we talked a little about my future, including renting space from dad for a "you-dio" to do private sessions with people, where I took a realistic approach in order to make it actually a possibility, to use the brainstorming team to help with the potential problems that I already foresee in the process. Having already flat out refused starting up my own workout program (he had previously basically told me to start my own NLXF and I think my utter refusal to do so really annoyed him). But the talk turned into that I'm limiting myself by giving reasons I can't do thing instead reasons I can. That I will never succeed if I stay that way.  That I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can accomplish anything. That I shouldn't be using such extreme words like love and hate. 

Then came the biggest insult I feel like I have ever experienced. After the constant ripping on anything outside yoga, he straight up tells me "You're a personal trainer, that's just what you are" and further went into that I have a foot in both the fitness and yoga world, but I'm barely a toe into yoga and fully exposed in fitness. 

Everyone else got encouragement deeper into yoga teaching, even mostly in Adamantine and GSP. Even those that only practice for personal reasons and have no desire to make it a job. They got ideas in how to go further and gain better and deeper careers. Even Nate was given the advice for a potential live/work GSP and private session studio loft in the future. And I got, go be a personal trainer. It was like being slapped across the face and being kicked out of the club.

I know the emotions surprised him, I could tell, but that doesn't make it any easier or better. Those came from my personal struggles, especially lately. I work harder than most I know. And have for a long time, and I don't have the body to represent that at all. I have the body of someone who does New Years Resolutions to work out and eat right, but gives up long before Valentines Day. I've seen doctors and other health professionals, I've had personal trainers, and I personally destroy my body to see results that I never actually achieve. I need to come to grips with this. One of the first endocrinologists I saw told me I was genetically predetermined to be obese. I lost it when I was told that. Determined more than anything to prove him wrong. It's now over three years later. I'm up 25 pounds and work just as hard as I have been. I wouldn't hire me as a trainer, looking like I do.

And it's not just looks either. I have no idea what I'm doing. I workout in excess. I kill myself and drown in sweat every day. I would have no idea where to start a client or how far to realistically push them. Yes, I've thought about a personal training certificate, but as a supplement to yoga. To have credibility with the gym crowd to have as clients, and have slight better knowledge. Not to go so far into it to be an actual in the gym trainer. There's such a huge disparity between the two.

I can't start over. Not just for my own self, I know I have the time. But I never finish anything. My parents spent an insane amount on film school before I realized I wasn't cut out for it, it wasn't the industry I would even remotely enjoy being in. Well over 100grand there. Wasted. Don't think the guilt over that still isn't a near constant thing. It's what keeps me working UNI Athletics, that being my only tie to education (even though not really) so maybe I don't look as much of a failure and waste of finances. No matter how miserable or unhappy it makes me as a person for eight months of the year. It changes my personality, making me negative and pessimistic and just a bitch in my relationships, but I have no choice. 

And I thought yoga was going to be it. Especially getting my 500 now. It's been a consistency in my life for 7 years now. My practice had ebb and flow, but I've never given it up. I love teaching, I love the feeling I have, I love the practice. I love the identity. And I thought the education and level certification was worth it. 10grand, all but two of it sponsored graciously. Even after my first epic failure. It's one of very few stabilities in life, I thought I was safe in continuing on.

And now this. I can't start over. I can't fail again. But I was just told I have anyway. Being told I am not meant to do the only thing I've ever felt successful doing is heart wrenching and yeah, I'll go as far as traumatizing. 

I know I can ignore him, I know that's what most would tell me to do. Ignore it, what does he know, keep going. But this is his life. He makes an insane living being the best in business at this. He knows what he's talking about. His advice to everyone else was spot on. He's more than earned the respect and listening.

The class was kind about it, but completely in agreement and supportive of the personal trainer idea. Telling me they would feel "safe" in having me as a trainer. That people would feel comfortable with me. That this is the time in my life to go do "my thing". 

It makes me feel like a liar in yoga, but I'd feel like a liar more in fitness. I got the "You aren't one of us" message. But I could never live in the world of trainers, I would be obliterated. 

The rest of the presentations were a blur. We got to GSP and I expected the worst. Unrolling my mat before we began, James came to me and said, "Thanks for letting me put you outside your comfort zone....it's my job" It was the job part that threw me. I appreciated the first half, the acknowledgement. But it's no one job to make a girl cry in front if the class, and then continue to try to make her talk."

I'll post more on the day when I catch up with blogging but I just needed the catharsis of this today.

Day Five

Today, my quads feel like when I look at them, they should be black and blue. Apparently that's what happens when you engage in what feels like million wide spread forward folds. They don't even hurt to move, only when touched, like they're massively bruised. It's so strange.

My morning GSP at James' studio was slaughtered by the assistant, Matthew, again. My teacher/mentor James has told me that he's an overcorrector, but still it feels like only me, no matter how nice and patient he is about it. He adjusted my wheel so strongly that my hands came off the ground, my lizard is completely wrong in form, so is my transverse lunge. I have a problem keeping my feet hip distance apart. My hands go to far back lifting into mountain. I don't tuck my arm in revolved side angle. I only got three attempts at handstand, my first one with James was perfect, but Matthew took my third and it was so awful that I had no assisted attempts after that.

This put me in a horrible headspace to assist the group after me. James said I looked like a gangster with my arms crossed (part frustration, part self protection, and part I was still sweaty and freezing cold). But I was given few opportunities to assist, and Matthew snuck in and took one of them from me, and then at a later one, I was the only one he came to correct in the assist. Ego. To. A. Pulp.

James calls him my Kryptonite. But I did hear a comment yesterday about halfway through GSP for him to stop going to me so much. At least I think thats what I heard, especially since it lightened up, a TEENY bit. 

At break I just went to the car, had a little meltdown and the rest of the day just kind of coasted emotionally. Kinda weird for me. 

But it could have been a relation to the fact that sometime Tuesday I popped my rib out again (I'm really not happy with the new frequency of that). I pretty much begged Nates chiro to take me in without the full intake exam (it takes over an hour and I just can't take that time). So I got it fixed, but still, my muscles are constantly warm and open here, so it will be an issue for the rest of the training.

Not to end on a negative note, we did get ice cream cones at lunch. So that was delish!  It was a make your own cone place, and lets just say I should have an adult help me from now on. I should definitely never work at Dairy Queen. 

Next pass at GSP assisting, my personal practice pacing was better, and I was better at all my "habits", but due to where I was in the assisting line, I only assisted one person. The class was always in unassisted poses. 

James always says your true self comes out on the mat in Adamantine, but I have such different personalities on the mat, it's making me feel pschizo!

Bummed that Adamantine will never have weekends, meaning actually getting to a GSP will be far more complicated and rare. 

James is clearly into the concept that Nate and I run studio together, especially since we have exactly what the other doesn't in the skills needed. And you guessed it, I'm the one with charisma :-)

After dinner was a full GSP. Beaten up, full from dinner, to be practice for assisters. Misery. I wanted to puke and my body was in pain. We went through the hardest parts of the sequence at least three times in order for everyone to get their turn. Being the assisters in the second half was much MUCH nicer. And assisting five people all at the same time was actually pretty fun. 

Although I did nail toe roll numerous time while being a piece of meat for assisting!

Back to Day Four: 300hr Yoga Teacher Training

Day Four

Nate set himself up right beside me for GSP. Completely proving that he messes me up, because my practice sucked. I messed up the transition immediately and I couldn't even hear my own breath with his dinosaur breath going.  But then it just went downhill from there. 

Three minutes in, the assistant decided I not only needed a push up lesson, but to downgrade my cobra push-up to plank to down dog, to keeping my knees down. And after the scale this morning, that just put everything into a tail spin. We all know my personal dilemma with push ups; so you can only imagine how that registered into my head alone. My flow was completely killed with frustration. I couldn't figure out my first and second side, I was moved to lizard position before 90 degree pigeon (aka reduced to more remedial), I completely forgot to do King Cobra, and my two passes at wheel weren't even worth breathing through. I only got three passes at handstand (out of eleven), super late in the practice. The last one was decent, but still. Not the greatest 45 minute experience. 

Next session was Yoga Wellness Coaching, which we'd started to learn in the 200hr, but we refreshed it all and how it should lead to GSP (wishing that was realistic for me). This older woman came in to be a guest speaker with James and she just rubbed me the wrong way. Her attitude was just, I'm all for positivity on aging, but there is something to be said about realism. And being prepared for the inevitable negative, I feel, can actually keep you more positive overall. 

Afternoon was GSP assisting and adjusting. At first we rotated partners to learn the assists, and I got Matthew a lot. So not much to assist. 

James called me out on my natural inclination to make Spock fingers when I expand my hand. 

Then we were to partner up to assist the whole sequence after dinner break, Nate assists handstands so he had to partner with an equal level. And before I knew it, I was the only one without a partner, aka I got Matthew again. Before we began, I was warned that he's an overcorrector. And thank god I got the warning, because even with it, I was ready to just completely give up halfway through and start crying in a hidey hole. Still not perfect at the choreography, if I didn't have finger placement correct, I had to do it again, let alone get the poses in the right order. I did almost everything twice, with full assists to everything. And after a full GSP already, and learning the assists, the body's in some turmoil. Nothing I did was good enough. I was far and away the last one done.  I'm pretty sure Nate was ready to punch him I was so upset with the whole thing, but the problem is that there wasn't an ounce of meanness in him. He just wanted everything perfect immediately. And he was patient and nice about it, he just was going to keep telling me what was wrong and have me do it until I was closer. 

When it was time for my turn to practice my assists on him. James whispered that I should "correct the shit out of him". Problem was that he was flawless. Didn't even fake nothing for me to practice adjusting. Granted, I was in such a funk, I just wanted to leave anyway. 

Halfway Point. 300 turns to 400.

I know I have a lot of days to catch up on blogging my 300. But I wrote an email this morning now that I have officially begun the 400 hour this weekend and I realized that its s thought train that I might want to look back on in the future. And I don't keep any other form of journal, and I don't think anyone else really reads this anymore, so I'm putting it out there so I don't lose it and can't go back and see what my crazy brain was thinking...

I'm beginning to wonder if I should start preparing headspace for myself to become a teacher at that many locations, teaching every day and numerous times a day.

But that being said, this week will be a mental tsunami on my future in this, and how and what I want to do. But this is the perfect time to really implement what I want to do with it.  And at the moment I really want to push into private sessions. The word is 70/30 split is what's common for the teacher/studio split. And after this week, he really has me into the, you need to present yourself as worth it, because you are and they need to know that through prices. Especially with the split, my TIME is money. So I think going for $60 (42/18 split) for 45 minutes is how I'm going to go through. That could change by the end of the week though. Thursday there is a hot seat where you sit in the middle and basically hash through every plan of action and idea you have going for, and set actual goals to be conquered (not just to throw away). So we'll see.

The crux is that, had we not just moved. I'm kind of thinking I might be in the beginning contemplations of moving down here.... Which is scary that moving could have been a huge mistake, but also that I actually have a desire to be here? But this mornings group class was glaring, that group class is irradically becoming not my thing. I want the private sessions. I'm really falling for the GSP concept. It's amazing. Both teaching and practicing. The personal progress I've made in a week is more than I've made in over a year there. Which is terrifying. And seeing that just makes me want to provide that for others and get to continue myself. I know I'm far from my own (if ever possible) but without a GSP to attend myself, I'm screwed. Driving to DM on a weekday every few weeks is just so unrealistic, especially if I start teaching that much more. But also when it comes to having to teach a lot and carving out the time I can force myself to practice like that myself without the guidance, is just going to be so hard to fight against my personality traits. 

I'm so long winded today. 

That's a win!

 

I'm way too excited about this progress to not toot my own horn here. And it's only been five days....like freaking magic. Yoga magic.

Day Three: 300 level Yoga Teacher Training

The first morning session was only GSP, and spanned out so it would be scattered. 9:30 was the latest time to come. We got there at 9:05 and were the last ones. And it was packed. Playing follow the leader was out of the question and it was totally going to be a on my own for the first time thing. And only my second time ever doing the second half, and even the first was following Nates practice. Time to see how remedial I am! 

Such a tiny room being so packed, it was HOT. And nowhere near hot yoga hot, but yet I honestly think I sweat more in that 45 minute practice than I normally do in all of teaching. I felt bad for Matthew every time he slid down my arm in assists or adjustments. 

But it went amazingly well. Afterward James definitely said it was my best time (of all my dozen partial attempts). Standing sequence was glitch free other than James trying to slow my pacing. But there's no surprise to me in my own quick movements. 

By the seated series, I had a few pauses on what to do next (more so the transition on how to get there) but soon into it, James comes up in my sun salutation and tells me to go. Meaning handstand. Thrown off guard, it sucked. And so were the rest of the 6-7 attempts through the rest of class. But I just wasn't mentally ready for him to give such a challenge to me on my first solo round out. 

I was the last one done. But other than the comment on being my best one, he mentioned to Matthew that he thinks he's finally "getting me." That he thinks I'm on the verge of coming on to this. Which was amusing since right before, he was out of the room, and I had JUST told Matthew about how of everyone in the class, I probably was the strongest adverse reaction to Adamantine. 

And it's all true. I've been very not a fan, but so much of it was due to the fact that I didn't grasp it. I couldn't get the physical down. And not the pose level themselves. I could practice for life and never attain full form Adamantine, but the mere notion of it all. I think my deal was at first the choreography was somehow put to me in a way completely against how I normally learn, and got me to such a level of confusion that getting me out was going to be a meticulous breakdown and repetitious process. Not including my perfectionism, meaning if I missed a single inhale or exhale or lost myself in a five count, that I had totally screwed the practice. But I think it's coming around, miss a breath, just take another one and keep going....you'd think that wouldn't be so hard to grasp....

The rest of the day was spent going through all the modification of the poses in the sequence, which, in this system, is a LOT of modifications. That's how it's been built, so that nearly every level of physicality is capable. Beginning right at the level after someone should be in physical therapist care.

And after those modifications, we had a refresher course in all the structural and muscular anatomy in all the sequences poses. Joint mobility directions included. The ever popular go around the circle describing the persons pose in the middle of the room :-)

Anatomy sessions always remind me why I could never be a doctor. I have a photographic memory, but HELL NO.

Day Two: Yoga 300 Level Teacher Training.

My hips and butt are killing me from so much sitting on the ground. 

But this morning we started by watching our first half of the class rung through their GSP. It was really interesting to see everyone move through it, I thought it was going to be super boring for an hour, but really it was even more interesting watching all the advanced poses. Seeing Lisas tendencies in handstand falls, and Callie very much struggling with breath to a degree that made it seem like she shouldn't be in those poses. Not helped by the fact that she ALWAYS looked like she was going to cry. 

My turn came. I was to play follow the leader with Nate. The group before us had some people to do that, but after the standing sequence, they stopped following and just redid the standing sequence alone while their leader went on to finish. I assumed thats what I would do too. We get there, I stop, look at James, and he's like, you know the front split sequence, do that too. Ok, we do that even though Im not sure of the breath pattern. Then looked back to James, "Oh just keep following all the way" Well, it would have been nice to be pre prepped at least for a millisecond to see what ANY of the poses were. I was always just slightly behind Nate because I literally had NO IDEA where I was going after that. In side splits I took it super easy knowing I struggle in that one, and in fact James was the one to point out to me my knee issues back in February (stemming from being pigeon toed) Its quite crazy to me that of all the people that I deal with in relation to my physical body, he is the ONLY one to notice my feet and knees, and ALWAYS point it out. Although I sometimes thinks he holds me back being worried about it, when he doesn't need to. In the same way though, I feel like my three passes at wheel today trying to follow Nate were overkill on my low back. OUCH. 

Anyways, by the time I finished the full GSP, I was SOAKED in sweat. I sweat like a boy. Its so weird, because its not that much activity that you feel like you should even be sweating at all. But oh I was. But frankly, this round of GSP felt SOOOO much better than my first few attempts, its kinda crazy. I hope I get one more pass at follow the leader though tomorrow, just for the great count of the second half, now that we spent all morning and all afternoon finishing going through and learning where we should all be at and how to see the different levels of those poses. And thats all we did today, ending early. I think we were all fried though. A good day to end, saturate with all the poses and be able to start tomorrow with a full GSP. 

Yoga 300 level Teacher Training First Night and Full Day.

Day one.

So we have a group of 19. Eight of them were in my training, two were in Nates. Another has a PHD in bio physics and looks exactly like a slightly Asian Conrad. But the moves, and has the body of a Chinese gymnast. Drop back backbend, full front splits, both legs, insane. Most if not all of my favorites from my 200 are here. Lisa, Wendy, Angie. The two from Nates were in the immersion, so I know and like both of them. Tiffany is a hardcore Jewish mom with an EXTREME baby voice. Another girl is there because her boyfriend Matthew is James' assistant. I miss Ann. He looks like a mangled version of the bad guy from the Mummy. He's just a little too eager and worshippy to James. His girlfriend is very bendy, but Nate explained her perfectly, she's like a chihuahua, huge eyes and NO ONE upstairs. 

The first night was an intro into Adamantine and the course. Beginning the constant question of, "Are we going to be allowed to teach this or not?" We have no idea, there's talk of a 30 day, $10,000 course and mentor ship to become authorized, but he speaks to us in specific words that make us feel like a vast majority of us will be teaching it someday. It doesn't add up.

First full day was basically working through all the poses of the sequence. Through the standing series, the opening, and beginning the seated series. Work shopping all the poses, and learning his to adjust other people in them. I'd say 3/4 of the class has a GSP practice already and knows it. The other quarter has never seen it before and is clueless. So I'm at the top of that quarter that I have at least seen the whole thing and attempted it a few times. A d the way he's going about it this time is more my style of understanding, so I'm picking it up a lot easier than last time. But still struggling enough to still be very much in the newbie camp. It also doesn't help that my body is so used to yoga in the heat right now, so doing all the poses completely cold, is sore and painful.

It's getting a little easier to be open to it as I start to get it down (exactly as I expected) but the thought has come to mind. James is very against any cross training. Running is evil. Cardio is the devil, etc. but he spent the first 30 years of his life in EXTREME physical form. Marines then a personal trainer, so his body wants to naturally stay like that. So he can get away with this being his only fitness (along with raw diet). But the rest of us didn't live like that. Our bodies didn't start like that. Getting to that form with only Adamantine would not only be virtually impossible for most, but even more so to maintain. And since hes only three years in, he doesn't have that long term proof yet. So if he honestly disagrees with that it is just in denial, I have no idea.

Fun fact: Christopher Walken was a lion tamer as a youth. 

We got to work on handstands, so that was fun. I'm getting better every time, but without the assist in the GSP setting to work on it, I have no way to continue to get better on a regular basis, making it exponentially harder. Walls don't work.

Speaking of. In one full day, here's the list of things K does wrong that was directly pointed out ;this isn't including everything sequentially)

- Never roll up to standing, doesn't improve back strength

- Upward dog should never be done until cobra is mastered

- Handstands are not to be learned on a wall, you'll never move away from them

Night class was short, not so sweet. It was on ritual. Some really cool readings on living life to the fullest like every moment is your last. But then ended by going through a death visualization. Not such a happy ender